Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The Last Survey of the world (before it ends)…

I decided to go around the country and beyond to ask people about what do they think about the world coming to an end on 21st December. I got quite a mixed response. Here are excerpts from my talk to various people:

We all know that people from Uttar Pradesh (UP) are very innocent. So, when I asked them, they completely ridiculed this piece of information; they said it cannot happen now. When asked how can you be so confident? They said Mayan civilization and also the Mayan calendar ended with the government of Mayawati, so the news is irrelevant. Also these innocent people are sure that is it Maya calendar and therefore it cannot be true. Moreover now we are part of Mulayan civilization, so we are not sure about the world, but UP will definitely end in next five years.

When I asked our super intelligent leader Rahul Gandhi about this, he said wtf! Why did no body tell me about this? He immediately called Digvijay Singh and asked him what to say, he said tell them “Ismein RSS ka haath hai”. He said wtf! to him as well. After listening to such high level of stupidity I realized who is sharing the bulk of 90% of fools in India that Justice Katju mentioned.

Then I asked Arvind Kejrival, he started shouting slogans and said “ aap kaun hotey hain ye decide karne wale, ye toh aam aadmi decide karega”. He said world cannot end before Jan Lokpaal Bill is passed,  and then called Anna Hazare to discuss next fast until death before world ends. Kapil Sibal full of frustration simply said “People suck and they deserve to die” and pledged to open 10 more IITs before 21st December. He also revealed the secret behind opening so many IITs, he said he hates Jairam Ramesh.

All the engineering students said it’s useless now, it should have ended before end sem exams.  But still all the CAT aspirants are hopeful that world will end before the IIMs declare their cutoff list and save them from humiliation again. Students in IITs are more concerned about losing their virginity before losing their life. You can observe the sudden increase in marriages in this month, due to the same reason.

People in software companies have become so hopeless and can’t believe that the world is ending before weekend (21st is Friday). When I asked one guy from infosys, he became too emotional and killed himself instantaneously by smashing his head into his laptop and the screen displayed “program terminated successfully”.

And finally I decided to go beyond and talked to people from Planet Nibiru by activating the machine of Koi mil gya (using pau paun paun paun script) and asked if they are gonna smack us or not. Firstly they did not answer for many days, but then they said, if you play that shit one more time, we will smack you right now.

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